Two sides to my mirror…

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What do you see when you look into the mirror?    I see someone I admire, I see a woman of faith, I see a loving mother and wife, I see a daughter and a sister, a friend, and I see Disease.  You might see a lot of the above, but you don’t see my disease.  As I turn away from the mirror I put on my cape and I am ready for the days challenge.  My typical day starts with sending my husband out the door to work where he  puts on his badge, gun and bullet proof vest… that’s never an easy goodbye.  He does not know that… that is challenge one.  Hiding the fact that the goodbye kiss could really be “goodbye”.   As I hear him drive off I start my daily prayers for his safety, his happiness and his faith in God to get him through this day.  I then turn my thoughts to the kids.  Making sure everyone is up and ready to start their days.  That is challenge number two… While mornings are the most difficult for me because I have Rheumatoid Auto Immune Disease.  Challenge number three comes with the daily chores, sometimes they come easy to me and sometimes they don’t come at all.  Challenge four is my biggest challenge of all and that is facing the mirror again at the end of the day when my cape comes off.  I find it hard to admire the woman I am looking at, I find it hard to see the faith in her eyes because she looks so tired and is in such pain, I find it hard to give to the husband and to the kids because I’m so tired from giving them a warm, clean home to come home to at the end of their day and providing them with a warm meal in their tummies.  I often feel like I have failed as a friend because I could not keep a lunch date, or talk to a friend on the phone because I hurt so bad.  I have Rheumatoid Auto Immune Disease… you can’t see it, but I can.   There are two sides to my mirror.

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